Marriage jokes part 2

☻Men are like chocolate bars.... sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

☻A little kid asks his Dad, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
"No idea," replied the Father, "I'm still paying for it..."

☻There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married - now he is going through Hell!!!

☻I've got a good friend who married a Doctor.
One day he told her: "You need to do something to spice up our love-making".
Soon thereafter, he came home and found her in bed with another man who is also an M.D.
"Why?" asked her husband. "You said I needed to do something to spice up our love-making;
I just wanted to get a Second Opinion", she replied...

☻Q: Why do brides wear white?
A: To blend in with everything else in the kitchen.

☻One day a man inserted an 'advert' in the local classifieds: "Wife wanted".
Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

☻What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? -
Well, it's the same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving

☻Marriage - an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

☻After a lengthy quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied: "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."

Marriage jokes part 1

☻Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence....(a life sentence!).

☻Marriage is a 3-ring circus - engagement ring, wedding ring and Suffering.

☻A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.

☻A woman was telling her friend , "It was I who made my husband a millionaire." 
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. 
The woman replied, " A multi-millionaire".

☻There was this woman who had an artist paint a portrait of her covered with the most amazingly beautiful and expensive jewels.
Her explanation - "If I die and my husband re-marries, I want his next wife to go crazy looking for the jewels."

☻Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

☻Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

☻Q: Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
A: They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time!

☻Husband to wife: Why do you keep reading our marriage licence? 
Wife to Husband: I'm looking for a loophole

☻The definition of a perfect Wife? - one who helps the husband with the dishes...

womens day sms messages quotes......

"I earn and pay my own way as a great many women do today. Why should unmarried women be discriminated against - unmarried men are not." ~ Dinah Shore

I wish ahHappy women's day to all ladies....................

1. "God gave women intuition and femininity. Used properly, the combination easily jumbles the brain of any man I've ever met." ~ Farrah Fawcett

2. "Women are the real architects of society." ~ Harriet Beecher Stowe

3. "If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman." ~ Margaret Thatcher

4. "The fastest way to change society is to mobilize the women of the world." ~ Charles Malik

5. "Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels." ~ Faith Whittlesey

6. "Somewhere out in this audience may even be someone who will one day follow in my footsteps, and preside over the White House as the President's spouse. I wish him well!" ~ Barbara Bush

7. "Women have served all these centuries as looking glasses possessing the magic and delicious power of reflecting the figure of a man at twice its natural size." ~ Virginia Woolf

8. "Men who treat women as helpless and charming playthings deserve women who treat men as delightful and generous bank accounts." ~ Author Unknown

9. "Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition." ~ Timothy Leary

10. "Follow your instincts. That's where true wisdom manifests itself." ~ Oprah Winfrey

11. "One cannot be always laughing at a man without now and then stumbling on something witty." ~ Jane Austen

12. "The trouble with some women is they get all excited about nothing - and then they marry him." ~ Cher

13. "If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?" ~ Linda Ellerbee

14. "I earn and pay my own way as a great many women do today. Why should unmarried women be discriminated against - unmarried men are not." ~ Dinah Shore